This Place is Eating Me Alive – James Winter

How do you cope when you’re this low?

James Winter is 29 and from North London, UK.

He has been writing in various different styles from the age of 16 and has finally collated a collection of later work which he has published under the title This Place Is Eating Me Alive.

Everyone suffers depression or a general low in their lives at some point, and in a way this book is to make people aware, and to almost comfort the reader, that people have been in the same position and felt the same as they have or still feel, and that it’s alright to open up about it.

This Place Is Eating Me Alive is comprised of 45 short pieces/stories that show different emotions including depression, hate, anger, love, happiness, and reminiscent feelings too.  Written in the 1st person, the reader feels as if they are there in the moment, whether emotionally or through descriptive imagery.

It is intended for the reader to feel as if each piece is being spoken to them, or like a letter from a friend or a diary journal, to give a feeling of closeness and intimacy with the book and person within the pieces.

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My mental state left me incapacitated, broken and torn apart within.  There was no place or person for me to turn to. Loneliness has become a part of my every-day life, and depression is as normal to me as happiness is to someone else.

Trying to come to terms with how my mind works is an uphill struggle which twists and turns with my emotions and dark thoughts.  Constantly battling against this sickness, there must be a shred of hope in sight in which light will prevail and darkness will be whisked away with the wind. 

The untold tales of what have been were the release I needed to shake the shackles of the dark beast and welcome in the light.  You are never alone.” – James Winter

Excerpt

Hello Evil, Back Again?

Hello evil, back once again are we?  Are we ready to dive back into my inner sanctum and seductively poison me with your loving words?

Do you think I’m ready to hang on a cliff edge every day to see what beautiful, deviant and menacing ways you can inject into my cranium?  Sweet bliss, I think I found my perfect partner and one to marry.

But you left me once before, you ran off without a trace and left me alone, I had no idea of what to do or where to turn.  I had a gaping hole inside me that couldn’t be filled, I was left confused and in disarray, why would you do that to someone?  I thought we had a good thing going what we had between us!  You tore me apart and never took into consideration my feelings, my needs, MY EVERYTHING!  You raped my mind and left me motionless for days and weeks!

Days and nights I laid not moving, knotted up in my mind and in a constant state of nostalgia, recollecting moments of our most joyous occasions; I needed to fill those empty moments you gave me when you upped sticks and left!  We were a great couple though, weren’t we?  My fondest memory of us was me lying awake at night and not sleeping for days, all because you filled my mind every hour, minute and second of the day with the symphony of madness, letting hatred, passion, and yourself, Evil, run through my veins.  I’d grin all night and day, chuckle at your jokes of everyone’s deficiencies around me, and smile at your wisdom that had been seeded into my thoughts.  Also, you need not to worry, I’ve kept our special implement in the draw, wrapped in a cloth for safe keeping, wouldn’t want it getting blunt now, would we?

We had our falling out periods where I’d shout through confusion at you, your words and ways sometimes never made sense to me and my fit of rage and aggression got the best of me, for this, I’m sorry.  I know you’ve always had the best intentions for me Evil, and this time around I’ll take your kind words more into consideration, and I’ll become the protégé you would be proud of, master.

This time around, won’t you stay a little longer?  I profoundly missed you before and I don’t think I could part with you again.  I waited around for you like a lost puppy, hoping that I would see the day of you coming back around again, but as I’ve said, I hope you stay longer if not forever.

The pain of becoming normal was unbearable when you left, the fluids in my body slowly turned into something of the natural substance my body should be making, the acid of normality slowly and painfully burned inside me and disintegrated what you left in me into nothingness, diluted to its thinnest form.  From this happening, Evil, my mind was being warped by society and everyone tried to have a say in how I should be and feel, miserably attempting and failing on a grand scale on their efforts, I wasn’t going to give into them.

They came in numbers reaching to the thousands to make me relinquish under their ‘power’, but I remembered something you had told me in the past “They are all afraid of you and your potential, you are unique, you are a one of a kind; never give in to the other side.”  You told me about these people, that they try to change what they don’t understand, and that they won’t stop until you become one of them.  What was the punishment to them for this?  Pain, wasn’t it?  It’ll be y pleasure, Evil.

This time around will be fun, it’ll be just like old times but better, my brain has matured and become more of a sponge.  I can’t wait to crack out the sharp friend again and have you offload your methods of torment and hate onto me to use against others.  Like a minion and servant to your desire, I kneel before you, I am at your will once again.

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